Are You a Snowplow Parent? Answer These 5 Questions to Find Out

Helicopter parents, Jellyfish parents, and now Snowplow parents. Answer these 5 questions to figure out if you match Snowplow status.

1. Are you a Generation X parent?

If yes, congratulations—you’ve met the first qualification to become a Snowplow parent. If you are a Boomer parent, you are benign version of Snowplow known as a Helicopter Parent. Boomer parents hover, Snowplow parents smother. You belong to a generation of free-range wasted slackers that fine-tuned their survival skills to become doting parents. When you were being raised, your parents didn’t know what you were doing most of the time. And that was a good thing because you were getting stoned and listening to Pink Floyd or skateboarding. You are determined to raise your kids differently.

2. Were your kid(s) born between 1995 – 2005?

If yes, your kids are Second-Wave Millennials, commonly, but mistakenly called Gen Z. Second-wavers have many of the same characteristics as older, first-wave Millennials, but are distinguished by the full weight of social media’s anxiety-ridden presence and a heavily-monitored, artisan-crafted parenting style by you, the GenX parent. Older Millennials were raised by Boomer parents. This species of Millennials can hold a fork, speak in full sentences, and do their own laundry. Good job Boomers.

3. Did you bribe, cheat, or extort to advance your child?

If yes, not only are you a Snowplow parent, but a despicable one. Your fate is to be outcast by all of society, even by those parents who continue to bribe, cheat, and extort but don’t get caught. Deep inside, you still think even though it was illegal, it was totally worth it. And since you are an Xer parents, you are a survivor, and you might even write a book about the whole affair and make a ton of money. 

4. Do you have the cell phone number of your kid’s teacher or boss?

If yes, you are a Snowplow parents, but please delete that number from your contacts. It’s creepy and wrong. Teachers and bosses are doing the best they can—they don’t need you to check in on little Jessica. And if Jessica isn’t getting along with her boss, she can figure out how to get along, or find another job.

5. Did you enroll your child in advanced toddler yoga?

You are definitely a Snowplow parent and you should never admit you did that… to anyone. Just deny it as your kid grows older. Whitewash that memory like it never happened. As a Xer parents, you can’t remember half of the embarrassing things you did in your youth, and you turned out okay. Except, of course, you became a Snowplow parent.

My advice: Ease off, mom and dad. As Pete Townshend and the Who would say, “The Kids Are Alright”. Now… where is that Pink Floyd album?